How Couchsurfing can enrich and have a positive impact on your life

It began in Hell’s Kitchen

I started Couchsurfing back in 2007 after a long an exiting Work and Travel USA summer (which we referred to as Work and Slave USA program, but that’s another topic).

It wasn’t really Couchsurfing.com website that I found my first host on, but for simplicity purposes, I will refer to Couchsurfing (CS) when I talk about this. To give credit, I can mention it was https://globalfreeloaders.com/, it still looks like a dinosaur from the 90s.

If you have ever done this, you probably remember all the fears of a first timer – serial killers that want to chop you up, dirty smelly mattresses, antisocial sweaty truck driver kind of hosts that you will have to pretend to like in order to save some bucks for sleeping. Similar thoughts were going through my mind when I got off the bus in New York City, at Penn station, in the middle of Manhattan, in the city I saw a so many times on TV, so many times on the news, in the city that never sleeps.

Endless Manhattan during my first visit to New York City

The guy’s name was Seth and he lived in Hell’s Kitchen – not a good combination if you know mythology. Well, I called him anyway. We agreed to meet and now there was no way we could have ditched this guy. We got to his apartment, my English suddenly was not so good, my heart was racing… and the next thing I knew, was sitting on his couch, with his keys from the apartment, looking at Seth, waving me goodbye and leaving through the door. What?! I just met this guy, and he gives me his KEYS!? HIS KEYS? He doesn’t even know me, I could take his computer apart, put it in my backpack, even eat the sandwich from his fridge and be gone in 10 minutes. And this, my read readers, was a turning point in my life where I was never the same after. A trust has been injected into me and has stayed in my bloodstream ever since. How can a man trust another man he has never seen to such a degree? Well, just like that. Welcome to the Couchsurfing world.

The world is not a scary place, we only imagine it and the avalanche of bad media news certainly gets the job done. A couple got killed on the beach in a tropical paradise – it’s more a scenario for a 4/10 star horror movie than real life. Yes, it can happen, but so the meteor can hit your laptop and destroy your travel pictures or a car can hit you and break your favorite trousers, so let’s get rid of these worst case scenarios out of the equation.

But semi-bad things can happen more often, right? Yes, they can, but I strongly believe you would get yourself involved into one easier in London at 4 am than doing Couchsurfing for 12 years. Let me tell you some numbers – I have done 200+ nights staying at somebody else’s place on 4 continents in dozens of countries.

I have stayed with Couchsurfers on a road trip in the USA, in the small villages in Morocco where dirty kids throw stones at you for fun, in tiny, muddy villages in Africa where yet other dirty kids run away because they have no concept of a white man in their little heads. I used CS in the Middle East, in South East Asia, not to mention Europe where it is a breeze. Deserts, islands, jungle, mountains, cities, little villages – Couchsurfing is everywhere.

I stayed alone and I stayed with a company of 5 (for a week with one host in the very center of St. Petersburg). I stayed with students, businessmen, hippies, divorced mid-age women that bought us wine, fishermen that shared their ration of rice, soldiers, DJs, millionaires, car dealers, NGO founders and hardcore vagabonds with smelly sleeping bags – and I loved every single moment!

It taught me more than all books and movies and talks and schools and universities I attended combined. I saw the world with my own eyes and I made my own calls, my own mistakes, and my own conclusions – not the ones the media and social networks project for profit. I stayed with people that offered just a space on the brick floor and nothing more and with wealthy multi-millionaire that gave me and my friends a separate room, beds with clean bedding, glorious breakfast and drove around the Swiss Alps in his car (and even drove us to Liechtenstein for a day).

I stayed in cockroach-filled rooms in Morocco, but also with beautiful families in the very same country that stuffed us with food at 3 am during Ramadan. I stayed with people that couldn’t speak a word of any of the languages I knew (then you learn a word of theirs and suddenly you’re brothers) and with fellow Lithuanians in other countries. I stayed with Wassim in Lebanon and the three of were just stunned by his generosity and care and wealth and all the food he gave us (wait for another article about this). And from all these experiences, I can honestly say I never had a single bad one. Not. A single. One. But! There is always, but, right? I did have two weird ones and 3-4 no-show ups. Not bad, but weird ones. A bunch (pretty big one) uncomfortable ones. But hey, you wanna hear about the weird ones, right?

The good, the bad, the weird and the video tape story

The first weird CS experience was in Cairo, Egypt. Four of us got into this guy’s place, pretty spacious, 3 rooms or so. We were planning to stay for a couple of days while exploring the smoke-filled ancient city. The guy knew that, but still, he said something along those lines: “I’m a bit of antisocial guy and there is a lot of you, so I will see how I feel and let you know tomorrow”. Weeeeelll, whatever you say.

We came back home on time, made some food, I used all of my sharpened skills to strike an interesting conversation, we even cleaned the bathroom after we showered. Still, the next morning the host said that we have to leave now and he doesn’t feel comfortable with so many people. Is that a bad experience? I don’t think so, but a bit peculiar, because he knew how many people are coming and that is a deep introvert. Nothing bad about it, but we felt not deserving to be thrown out to the street.

The second story comes from Marrakesh, Morocco. I and my ex were staying with a bunch of students in their sort of dormitory house. They said, “no women are allowed in the house, but it’s ok, we will hide you when the owner comes”. Good start. We were sleeping with two other guys, all on the floor in a small room, that’s fine by me. The kitchen looked destroyed by a flood, I can’t describe it in any other way (there are no floods in Marrakesh, it’s a desert, I don’t know, man).

Marrakesh souq

Usually, my comfort baseline is very low when I travel, but that toilet made me sick. Breathe in, do your thing, get out, breathe out. All in all, we decided to move to a hostel the next day, however, we still had a relatively good time listening to Arabic music from one of the guys Nokia.

I left a neutral comment (probably my first ever) about the stay, saying the hosts were fine, but the environment was… well, extreme. And then it started. The host started harassing me on Facebook, asking, begging, threatening to change the comment to positive, because it will ruin his life. I kept strict and told him this is my decision and that’s how CS works (I can feel my blood pressure rising when I type this). Then he said that we had sex in his room and he has a video of that and will post it online if we don’t change the damn comment to positive! DUDE, WHAT?! There was no sex. There was no tape. He doesn’t even own a tape recorder! There was not even a phone there that could possibly take a video. I told him to post it online, I wanted to see it. In the end, he kept harassing and reminding me to change the comment for about 6 months and then it stopped. Oooof, one hell of stay!

So my dear reader, what do we make of this? I figure 200+ wonderful nights is worth a couple of weird ones and a few no show ups. The two stories I told you are meant (barely) for the news and the rest – for us. After all these experiences and those friendly, caring people I met, how can you possibly see a world a dangerous, scary place? How can you not trust a stranger (to a reasonable level) and how can you not see everybody as a friend (until they prove otherwise). I find this exhilarating, freeing, soothing, inspiring and fueling one of my most important life goals – to see the world from as many perspectives as possible and show the others that life can be different than they think it is.

How to start squeezing the lemon out of Couchsurfing

Now you say, ok, let’s do this, how do I start and get the most of it? Well, apart from creating a profile on www.couchsurfing.com, you will need to fill it with as much information as possible – your likes and dislikes, add your pretty pictures (no bathroom selfies). Tell about yourself – the person on the other end will look into this more than you think. In the end, they are looking for like-minded people to chat with and socialize (apart from my guy in Cairo).

The next step when you fill up the profile is to connect with your friends that are already there and ask for a few recommendations/reviews. In my opinion, they are a single most important currency on the platform. It’s so much more reassuring to stay with a guy that has 100 positive reviews praising his pasta sauce recipe than to stay with a random dude from a trashy neighborhood that has no profile picture, no reviews and says he likes watching TV under his interests.

Now don’t get me wrong, it is definitely possible to start Couchsurfing without any reviews, it would just be a bit slower. I have stayed with people that have very empty profiles multiples times and in some cases, I had very memorable experiences. A girl from Agadir, Morocco took the four of us to her family home just 6hr before arriving in the city.

It was Ramadan and these guys where just so welcoming, so kind and attentive I couldn’t ask for more. They were also stuffing us with food at 3 am as I mentioned it earlier. Not only we got a beautiful, separate room, also they joined us for the tours in the city and helped to find the best prices in the market. The funny thing is, that she said she never check Couchsurfing and haven’t even opened it for more than a year, but she did that morning, saw our message that we’re coming in 6 hr and said why not! So, don’t get discouraged if you can’t find full profiles in the location where you need a host, trust in the universe.

On the contrary, hundreds of 5-star reviews don’t guarantee you will have a luxury treatment. On the same trip in Morocco, we got a sweet stay confirmation from an Ambassador of one of the mid-size cities. I was so excited – I never stayed with an Ambassador before! What is an Ambassador, you ask? Long story short, it’s somebody from the region/city that has done a terrific job on growing the CS community there, organizing events, spreading the word and consistently getting good reviews for a long time. So, a kind of cool dude, I would assume.

He was cool, all right, I can’t complain about his character or his family (even though one of his kids almost ripped my head off playing), but the place was… very average. And yet again, running thumb size cockroaches, smelly mattresses, no air in the basement room and the toilet door that was missing 1/3 of its volume would have been bearable if I didn’t have such Ambassador-high expectations. Lesson well learned (or rather repeated) – high expectations lead to disappointment.

So now, that you’ve got a profile and some reviews (or none), search for a destination a week or two before and start contacting members. I tried setting up plans months before and just hours before I arrive, so far 1-2 weeks ahead was usually the optimal timeframe in most cases.

Send them personalized messages with your arrival plans, how many people are coming, how long do you plan to stay and a write bit about yourself. Imagine making a new friend – what would you say? Don’t get discouraged if people say no, most of them probably will and it’s ok, life is happening around and everybody’s got obligations.

Keep asking and eventually, someone will say yes, yay! Don’t forget to click and confirm that you choose this host (sort of accept that they accept you in their home). Couchsurfing is free, but you can purchase a lifetime Verified membership for 60 USD and get connected with people much easier (either hosting or surfing) as it gives a credibility boost to your profile. I have done fine without it for several years, but then I have bought it at some point just to support the platform who has given me so many fond memories.

Some people try to use CS as a free hostel, they come, drop their shit, go out right away (without you), drink all night long, come back in the middle of the night (call you, because they don’t have the keys), wake up hungover, eat your delicious homemade scrambled eggs, mumble something about the next bus and leave. Don’t be one of them. You would be so so much better just going to the real hostel – in the end, if you can drink all night long, you’re sure as hell can pay 10 bucks for a door bed.

Couchsurfing is NOT a free hostel. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to pay for the bed and you should report any hosts that make you do that, but it’s not free. And I’m not talking about the green (or blue) papers in your pocket. How about cooking some of your national dishes? Or singing a song, playing the guitar by the bonfire, how about taking a cold shower before dinner so you don’t fall asleep from a 10hr bus ride the day before and you can actually tell something the host about your country?

Most of the people who host want to socialize, want to hear your story, want to feel as if they are traveling a little bit by having you. And if you don’t give that, it’s not a full experience for them and it’s certainly not a full experience for you. Don’t worry that you can’t cook, don’t like to sing, don’t know the guitar strings or that you’re simply introvert – hosts are too sometimes. Just sitting there by the fireplace, sharing a meal might be one of “those” moments.

There are a gazillion ways to make a connection and you certainly have some of them. Talk about movies, books, about the meaning of life, about how they plant cassava or how you made a jacket for your dog. In my long years of Couchsurfing I tend to see a pattern that hosts are typically open-minded, easy going, flexible and relaxed – not all, but the majority. They are fun to spend time with and it’s not surprising they are like that – how else could you get strangers to sleep at your house day after day after day. Some people even host multiple parties at the same time pretty much all year round.

Harvested cassava drying under the African sun in case you wondered what it is

When life gives you lemons, you know what to do with them

Go on, explore, come with an open heart, don’t judge the color of their fridge if it has eggs inside, be flexible, don’t worry about the hard floor – you’re young already if you’re doing this, numbers on your passport don’t matter.

Be kind, be resourceful, wash your dishes and buy some food before you come back from a tour. And most importantly – never ever expect anything else, but a space on the floor and (hopefully) roof without holes. Then when you get a mattress it’s a good evening already. If you get a bed – it’s a great evening. If you get some real bedding – it’s a wow night and if you get breakfast – it’s already a success.

And if you find yourself looking through a private balcony to the stunning postcard-like Alps, sipping quality wine and eating Swiss cheese after a long day of your host driving you around – Couchsurfing it’s not such a bad thing after all and it’s worth a weird night from time to time (they make good stories too).

The view from the multimillionaire’s apartment in Swiss Alps

I encourage to embrace the uncertainty when you go on a trip, it’s one of the greatest teachers and travel buddies. It opens doors to the most incredible experiences, people, places that are not on the map and food that is not on the menu. You will be all right even if you miss a bus, even if your host doesn’t show up – maybe another one will give you the time of your life you will tell your grandchildren about. Stay optimistic and say yes more.

Now, that you have reached the end of this article, you probably ask yourself, what’s up with the Sahara picture at the beginning? It was the only place in the world where I couldn’t find a host. I did find them in the nearby village, but that would be cheating. The rest of the world has been fine so far.

Final note – more than 12 years after, I still keep in touch with the guy from Hell’s Kitchen from time to time, the man who opened the doors to another world for me – thank you, Seth!

Have you tried Couchsurfing? What is your weirdest, best, worst, most memorable experience with Couchsurfing? If you haven’t tried it yet, what are your greatest concerns? Share in the comments!

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